Written by Sean Gupta and Pete Steely-Voetberg
*This is satire*
Over its lifespan, MVS has been a mostly peaceful school, with few conflicts over its many years of history. However, this changed recently, when the War and Peace class (also known as W&P) declared war on the American Cultural Tapestries class (also known as ACT). This occurred on October 6th during the final minutes of 3rd period. However, while the declaration was being delivered, ACT moved to occupy the territory of W&P. They were initially successful, but after outside intervention, were forced to leave the occupied territory. Here are some statements about the events of that day from the two classes:
ACT (American Cultural Tapestries)
The W&P is a destructive dictatorship that is merely preying on a smaller class in order to gain more land. ACT only has 3 students as opposed to their 10 students! They are framing us, the honorable class, for murder and being ‘boring’. This is obviously brainwashing caused by the brutal dictator Ms. Miller, who coerced one of our classmates, Paban Kaur, to join the W&P class.
On the fateful day of October 6th, we knew that they would try to declare war and decided to beat them to the punch. As they attempted to get into our classroom by force, we managed to take control of their territory, thus showing who really was the true power in this war despite the class size difference. Even though we had to give up the territory (due to an external peacekeeping force), we believe this initial showing has truly projected the course of the rest of the war.
Even their war declaration (available for view in Dr. Dave’s classroom) is full of inconsistencies! Just look at what they are framing us for: Hannah killing Aizen, or “Martyr Aizen” as they say. That image is so obviously photoshopped and is something one of us would never do. The absolute disrespect to declare war for no other reason than personal gain, and to blame it on the victims is unforgivable. The language used is equally vile, claiming that they’re “preists” and “holy”, when they are forging the very premise the war is built on. Please read the declaration for yourself and see how hypocritical they are, and support the ACT, the only true good side in this war.
W&P (War and Peace)
In response to being asked what their views on the war are, one anonymous representative from W&P says, “We are obviously the holy side, we are the manifest destiny. They provoked us first.” This ideology is most likely due to ACT’s looming presence over W&P’s territory, especially after their numerous acts of espionage. This is only proven by the fact that the same representative said, “Dr. Dave, he has held this school in fear for far too long.” This proves that his tyranny has had a lasting effect on both those within and outside of ACT. Another representative who used to be a former ACT member has this to say about the horrible and terrible regime: “ACT is a boring class.” And there you have it, an insiders review on ACT. One last W&P class member made a statement so inspiring, that even you will want to join W&P in their efforts to take down the soul-crushing ACT regime. “They should surrender before we completely demolish them.”
